


two burning hearts are dared to break

by mechup



Series: without hope, without witness, without reward [5]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Arguing, Break Up, Missy has zero (0) brain cells & thinks she's doing all of them a favor, Multi, Other, the darillium era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22292542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mechup/pseuds/mechup
Summary: She sees the love they have for one another and it makes her chest hurt with the love she has for them.That’s when she decides she needs to leave for good.
Relationships: Missy/River Song, Twelfth Doctor/Missy, Twelfth Doctor/Missy/River Song, Twelfth Doctor/River Song
Series: without hope, without witness, without reward [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974634
Comments: 16
Kudos: 28





	two burning hearts are dared to break

_darling, nobody said that it would last forever,_

_that doesn’t mean we didn’t try to get there._

_i never said that we would die together,_

_that doesn’t mean it was a lie, remember_

_nobody said that it would last forever._

_—Forever by Lewis Capaldi_

* * *

For once, things are going well. Missy is _happy_ , even if she’d never say it out loud. She has her best friend, the wife they share, and an eternity of extra time to spend with each other. Twenty-four years aren’t a lot in the long run, but when they’re currently only on the first one, it feels as though it’ll never end. 

She hates domesticity, but when she sees River and the Doctor curled up in bed together or sharing smiles or running their fingers through each other’s hair because they’re so relieved to have this time together, it makes her hearts beat so fast it’s alarming. She sees the love they have for one another and it makes her chest hurt with the love she has for them. 

That’s when she decides she needs to leave for good. This isn’t like last time where she genuinely thought they didn’t want her intruding, this is her thinking ahead and sparing them all from heartsbreak. It’s been fun but it’s time to give up; things are never going to work out and it’d be easier to end it now instead of later. 

She slips out of bed one night, careful not to wake the Doctor or River. She’s tempted to go right to her TARDIS and disappear without a trace, but she makes a detour to leave a note, explaining that she won’t be coming back but she wishes both of them happiness. She’s interrupted halfway through when she sees movement out of the corner of her eye, and she quickly stands up straight, placing her hand over the paper she had just been writing on as if to hide it, pretending like she hadn’t been doing anything wrong. 

“River!” she says brightly. “What are you doing up?”

“Woke up and you weren’t there. I wanted to see where you had gotten off to,” River explains, and Missy’s hearts skip a few beats. They’ve created a routine for themselves that they’ve all grown accustomed to, and her leaving could ruin all of it. She doesn’t know if she’s making the right choice anymore. River’s eyes flicker down to the paper her hand is covering, then back up to her face. “What are _you_ doing up?”

“I was...” Missy begins, stalling because she hadn’t come up with an excuse because she didn’t think she’d be caught. She offers River her best dazzling smile. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Right,” River says, unfazed, clearly doubtful. “So what are you writing?”

“Oh, this? It’s nothing you need to worry about,” she answers, hoping River will accept that response and drop the topic. It’s one thing to leave a note and quietly leave but it’s another to have to tell one of the people she’s leaving to their face that she’s leaving them. “You should go back to sleep. I’ll be right there.”

“If it’s nothing, then why are you hiding it?” River demands, walking further into the room to see what it is.

“I’m not hiding it,” Missy insists, even as she refuses to move her hand. River holds her own hand out but Missy shakes her head. “Just go back to bed, it’s nothing.”

“Just give it to me,” River tries, before simply snatching it right out of Missy’s grasp. She begins reading it before Missy can stop her, but quickly looks back up. “Missy, what— what is this?”

They stare at each other for a few moments, River waiting for an answer and Missy unsure how to proceed.

“I can explain,” she says slowly. “I just... I thought—”

“I thought you finally understood the Doctor and I do want you here,” River interrupts her. “...We need you here.”

“It’s not that,” Missy replies, not liking that she has to say it out loud. “You need to realize it’ll just be easier if I leave now. For all of us. It’s not about what we want or need anymore, it’s about what’s going to end up hurting us in the long run.”

“We must mean _so little_ to you, then,” River says, her voice rising in volume, a mixture of hurt and anger on her face, “if you actually think that.”

“That is _not_ what I said.” Missy’s voice is also getting louder, offended that River would even consider the possibility that she and the Doctor don’t mean the entire universe to her.

“Well, you sure as hell implied it!” River snaps. It isn’t something they ever say out loud because that’s just how Missy is, but she loves her and she knows Missy loves her back. She just doesn’t know why Missy seems so intent on making sure things won’t work out. “Unless you don’t even want to be here with us and are just looking for an excuse to get away?”

“ _No!_ ” Missy shouts, horrified at that thought. “No, I’m trying to make it easier for us.”

River takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. “Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen after our night here. I have my own ideas, but I don’t know for certain. But it _will_ be worth it, even if it’s painful.”

“What’s going on?” The Doctor enters the room, obviously having just woken up. “I heard yelling?”

“Missy wants to leave,” River answers before Missy has the chance to say anything. “She was writing us this note.”

She hands it to him and he reads it over, face paling. “You were going to leave us? Just like that?”

“Neither of you understand,” Missy says, frustration evident in her tone. “I can’t be here by the end. I _can’t_. So I thought it’d be best if I left now.”

“And you thought you’d let us know via a _note?_ Not even face to face?” River asks. Missy can hear the strain in her voice and she hates this, she hates all of this so much.

“Because I knew you’d try to stop me, like you’re doing right now,” Missy defends herself.

“Why don’t we go back to bed?” the Doctor suggests, trying his best to diffuse the situation. “We can all calm down and discuss it in the morning, don’t you think that’d be best?”

“I’ve made my decision.” Missy really hopes she doesn’t sound as unhappy as she feels. There’s so much more she needs to say to both of them, but she doesn’t know how to form her feelings into words. “There’s nothing to discuss. I’m leaving now and I’m not coming back.”

She has to force her body into motion because otherwise she won’t leave, and she walks out. 

She doesn’t look back. 


End file.
